Yesterday there was a strange vibe between Tya and Panda and Me.. But after a while it felt kind of normal again.. Hmmm..
The Miyavi concert on the 24th of June was awesome. The energy he and the Kavki Boyz had AMAZING. Really it blowed me away. He preformed Freedom Fighters because we asked him to. It was an amazing show. =] He Looked Way Hot! Since I was in the front, I had this feeling just one time that he was actually looking at me because everybody was jumping and stuff but I was standing still and was just smiling because I was so happy to be there, he looked at me and smile too. =| Maybe.. Maybe Not, Guess We’ll Never Know. At the concert I had some Dutch and British friends to hang out with.
I bought this at the concert, if you rip of the sides it’s a normal file bag/cover.
The ticket for the concert.
A poster I bougt.
So now that I had the Miyavi concert I have Lupe Fiasco and The Cool Kids tomorrow with thw GoGoKidsz & my producer Moodswingz. It’s goin’ be off the chain, like Lupe is THE SHIT for me. I gotta be in the front!! * starts trippin’ * I was told he is going to do an one-and-a-half hour show and The Cool Kids are going to do an hour. It’zz Al Goood !
The one thing I really do not understand in this world is Racism. Why would you judge some one because of his or hers skin tone or roots? Vague, I have always been in between since my mom is white and my daddy is a negro. ( I prefer to my parent’s skin tone the way I want to if YOU don’t like it TOO BAD.) But I grew up in a surrounding with black people and almost no white people, and my mom thought me and I quote :
“To a black person, you won’t ever be black enough. To a white person you’re always a negro.”
Back in the days I did understand, but some where I always wondered why people judge by some ones outer appearance. I believe you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover ( I simply love that saying because I also believe every one has a story, and as life goes on, the story continues. ) Theirfore I, myself also try not to be judgemental toward some one at first sight. ( even though every one is, that’s how you make contact you try to see what you can and can’t do toward one another, that’s also judging, I guess )
How I Came Towards This Subject? Well, I was looking at some news reports on the internet about Japan, since I have this Japan obssesion and as I went on and on clicking links. I had stepped ( not litterly ) on an artical about and E-Mobile add that’s a parody towards Barack Obama’s CHANGE campaign. At first I was like WTF when I looked at the Commercial, but when I read the artical, I again was like WTF. Some find the commercial racist and insulting. I, Myself as a half white, half black, Japan obsessed girl/woman couldn’t see the so-called ‘racism toward black people and Barack Obama’ in the commercial. After reading I did some research I found this; E-mobile’s mascotte has always been the pick faced monkey. So I do not get the fuss about the commercial, because for the rest of the commercial I understand the ‘joke’ in the commercial. This isn’t the first time people use a commercial as a parody to something. So the question to myself is: Is this modern racism?
I often travel by the subway/train and kids ( around 14 - 20+ years old ) always listen to music outloud on their phones. Those ‘kids’ are often my friends and ofcourse they look scary (I guess) but does that stop you from saying something If you don’t like the music? It wouldn’t stop me. People are afraid they will get stabbed, because it happened in Holland. It happened too many times if you ask me. Still what keeps me strong is the question: If no-one says something will it change? Exactly! IT WON’T!!
There are so many points I could discuss when it comes to racism. Just one to make you laugh: one time in the subway there was this old crazy-ass white guy ( no racism I’m just saying ) and he was yelling at all my friends :
“Go Back To Where Ya’ll Came From!!”
So I calmed my friends down and told the guy in a polite way that he should stop that. He told me the same ” go back to where you came from, you black scum” and I said :
” Okay Mister, Are You Going To Bring Me To The Hospital? No? Okay, Then Shut Up, Thank You”
Funny story but that’s how it is. There are a lot of rotten apples that will spoil the rest, but the farmer will only take the good ones. Karma, what goes around comes around, that’s what I think.
Aw well!! Just to thin of it this is only the racism that has something to do with skine tone, you also have age and much more… What a sick world that we live in.
Ya’ll Some Perverts!! My Post About My Bisexuality I Got 26 Views So Far.. So That’s What Ya’ll Like Huh?
hahahahaha It’s All Good =)
pic : Chibbie/Panda/WeirdStuff
Anyways this vacation is going to be THE SHIT! I got the Miyavi concert in 5 days, Lupe Fiasco and The Cool Kids on 4th of July And I’m going with the GoGoKidsz. Life’s goin’ be sweet. All I need to do is party this vacation, do a lot of shit that is forbidden and don’t get caught. Party my ass off !
Probaly I’m not going to pass, well I can pass, but then I gotta go lower than grammer school and I don’t want to get the easy way out, that’s all I’m saying. So I’mma just do the whole year all over again.
More?
Well, I got a business plan for my vocalist career, I want to take some keyboard/piano lessons also. Tya, Chibbie and ,e were talking about gettin a house together when we get older, or move to america, or something like that. In my life I just want to do 5 things 1. See Lupe Fiasco Live ( Hope He Signs My Skateboard on 4th of july)
2. See Utada Hikaru Live
3. Go To Japan
4. Make It In The Music
5. Have Kids.
Kind of a weird list, but for now that’s what I want to do. hhahah, have kids.., it should say have spoiled brats lol
Still I’m thinkin’ where do I want to be with my music? I want to be heard want to express the way life can be, I don’t want to be something Spectacular, I just don’t want to be AVARAGE! Wich often is harder than I thought, but life is a big expirence, so I will find enough to write about. My vocals are improving everyday but today I figured; the challenge isn’t so challeging anymore. So I try to find songs with vocal diffuculties and sing those. Now I can almost sing Christina Aguilera’s whole Back To Basics album. ”On Our Way” is flawless, the high note is on pitch and clear and the rest is good too. So I tried to sing “Impossible ” from her and that was way too easy. I just have to start writing songs. I orderd a beat at one of my favorite producers so far; MoodSwingz and he going p one behind for me or something like that. Besides that I just have to stick to the business plan we made. Life’s A Bitch, I’mma Follow That Bitch’s Every Move And Write A Whole Lot Of Shit About Her.
My latest addiction is Common’s song : Come Close Featuring Mary J. Blige. It’s a real mellow song. Besides I’m also addicted to:
•Lupe Fiasco - Intruder Alert
•Rick Ross - Money Make Me Come
•N*E*R*D - Every Nose ( All The Girls Standing In The Line For The Bathroom )
•Lil’ Mama - L.I.F.E
•Christina Aguilera - Impossible
•Rick Ross - The Boss
•Christina Aguilera - On Our Way
•Kanye West - Good Morning
•Chris Brown - Lottery
•Jordan Sparks ( or whatever the fuck her name is 0.0 ) Ft Chris Brown - No Air
•Utada - Devil Inside
•Kevin Michael - Love Letter
•Nelly Furtado - Say It Right
•The Cool Kids - Black Mags
•Zacairo - Stop The !%@&#$ Press
•Angela Aki - KISS FROM A ROSE ( Seal Cover/Batman Soundtrack)
Well Don’t Know What To Post More.
PS. I Wanna Have A House With A White LivingRoom And A BathRoom lol. / I Want A Studio In My House / I Wanna Learn How To Cook Japanese / I Wanna Go To Sleep
I just noticed that I haven’t been trying to meet any girls lately.
今晩は /konbanwa!! / Good Evening ( actually morning since it’s already 0.43 am )
Me being bisexual and all. I was talking to my ex-girl and she’s doing okay with the girl she said they like her. (lol) She’s a sexy/short asian girl of course they like her! I was really into her though but it wasn’t really working out, some how it never does with me. ( I wonder why.. xD )
Now guys, don’t drewl all over your keyboards haha =)
Hmmm, I don’t know.., I guess I was too occupied with lots of other things, I should get my groove on with them girls nahmean? ( lol) My brother was so happy when I was dating her. He was like “yeah bring your girls over here.” crazy!
Sex with a womam is the shit, you should try it!! ( lol )
Haaa !! hmm, I think I need sex, haha lol but no, I think I really do, c’mon let’s be honest. Sometimes you just need it right? ( at least I do T_T ) ya’ll probaly think I’m a 14 year-old pervert. ( YOU GOT THAT RIGHT LOL !! ) I’m just honest and open about my sexuality like I think more people should. =)
It’s not working out.
Me and my current boyfriend, I don’t know this is gonna sound odd ( maybe ) but I don’t think it’s working out between me and him. Like, how it’s going now, I never had a relationship like that really.. Maybe it’s just me but I’m so not used to this.. I don’t think it’ll last long like this..
hmmm today was borng stayed home with a tummyache and was rocking a mean Afro! ( lol )
“Accept What Is Given, Respect What Is Coming, Love What Is There.” - Cailin
I was talking to a guy on a party ( not some guy though lol ) and he seemed smarter than I ever thought he could be. I didn’t think he was stupid anyways.. (lol) We were just talking about random stuff and it was a really nice conversation. Hahah nothing to make ya’ll think wow! It was nice to be able to fucking talk to a guy with some respect and understanding for me. He really understood what the fuck I was talking about.
I was talking about my obsession for anything that’s japanese. I even talked some japanese I just said: Konbanwa, Ogenki desuka? Eetoo.. Genki des! ( goodevening, how are you? uhmm.. I’m good ! ) so really my friends be like shut up about him but it was really nice to talk to some one who really understood ( or showed understanding ) towards me. =) lol, I even told him about “the sound”, like a friend of mine does it a lot and kinda got me using it, the Uguuu~ sound, he said it was cute ( and hot? )
We had fun =)
So today I’m so addicted to the song “Intruder Alert” from Lupe Fiasco Featuring Sarah Green.
Like I just though about it the albums I bought are from people who are who they are in their music like; EXODUS from Utada, Graduation from KanYe West, Lupe Fiasco’s The Cool and Chris Brown, but the CB CD (lol) was more a phase, he was kinda real R’nB and I love R’nB.
I also like to buy Back To Basics from Christina Aguilera, more Utada Hikaru ( english and japanese ), All that’s Lupe Fiasco and KanYe West too. I don’t really like rap but those too GODDAMN I LOVE EM! And of course Utada ‘nd Christina Aguilera too!
Okay okay! enough ’bout that, I can’t wait till I have my keyboard, it’s not a really expensive one, maybe not even that good, but I got to start with something, right? So that’s what I’m going to do, maybe get some lessons. One way or another it’ll work out! ( I hope xD )
I printed out my flash cards for the Hirigana and Katakana, I really need to work on my japanese again. ( just click the links if you wanna know what it is) lol I forgt I still need to print 2 pages cause my printer was being the bitch again. -_-”
hahahah lol I was looking at some old blogs on Multiply.com and found this.
Wanna see something naughty? Click this -> I Am A Pervert♥.
“The Right Turn Is Always The Left Turn For Me.” - me.
I was kinda natural today nothing special going on, ate some MacDonalds and realized I like BurgerKing more. (lol) Also, I something different with my hair today ( you can’t see it on the pic on top though T_T ) but it turned out pretty good. I made Tya’s hair all curly cause she didn’t know what to do with it.
but never had the force to pull through it all to focus.. What am I saying? I was like 10 years-old back then now, I started singing like it’s my life after I got introduced to the Japanese music from Utada Hikaru. The first song I heard was “COLORS“, I didn’t like it a first, it was so different, and so I went on to find out who this Utada Hikaru person was, the second song I listened too was “Be My Last” and went on and on untill I found her english work I was amazed by her style it was so Utada Hikaru, nothing more nothing less.
See I always thought that the music industry will not allow you to be You in your music,
so I never really wanted to pull trough but after seeing Utada Hikaru, I made my decision: I will Sing.
So I went on and on singing and after a while started writing too, I first started writing-over. Uguu ~,, let me explain that to me writing over is like writing lyrics while you’re listening to a song and those lyrics are the base of your lyrics.. kinda, I guess (lol) but since the music was japanese and I didn’t understand SHIT, I could use my -8 degrees celcius freezed down imagination to write lyrics… Days pass lyrics pass, and I went from shallow love songs ( R&B-ish ) to deep poethical lovesongs. => meaning PROGRESS!! (lol hahah )
So now, I’m deeply focused on gettin’ myself OUT THERE! It’s hard I need a studio and a whole lot of stuff, planning to buy a keyboard soon, so It’ll turn out fine.. ( I guess xD )
A little freestyle:
” I want to ask for forgiveness, I’ve done so much wrong, It’s true that I haven’t always been who people expect me to be, therefore I am proud, I haven’t been born to please others.. That’s one thing I have learnt on this goddamn planet .. ! “
Lol that didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be…. Ghegheghe ^^
Also, I want to learn japanese so right now I’m focused on learning the simple Hirigana and Katakana, after that I’ll do the rest..
I also love anime like : “Paradise Kiss, Lovely Complex ( rabu-kon ) , Bokura Ga Ita, Gokusen, NANA, & Clannad. I’ve watched more but I can’t remember, also I love J-Music, Big Bang ( korean ), Son Dambi ( korean ), Sushi ( The food not a band T_T and it’s japanese ), Bubble Tea, Writing Poems, Stare at the rain at night, Stare at the morning skies, doing stretches, download & buy ( yess I also buy =] ) music, spend time with friends, watch J-drama like Zettai Kareshi and gokusen , play star wars on playstation 2, bloggin’ , making people laugh, dance, sleep, be lazy like panda, Sing infront the mirror like I’m in a conert, making strange noises, see things other people don’t see, hate on people on youtube, making a book out of translated japanese lyris and print them, polish my toenails, slap my little cousin ( he’s a pain in the ass half an hour with him and you’ll feel teh same xD ), talking on msn naked after taking a shower and turn on teh webcam ( the webcam was a joke you Hetai!! 0.0 ) , run around the house with my hair undone, sleep late ( like today it’s 2.24 am and I’m bloggin’/ actually it should be sleep early xD lol) , go to the beach, travel with public transportation, using werid emoticons on MSN like : T_T, 0.0, *.*, ^^, >.<, =), =(, =], =[, and using ~! all the time and say Uguu~ >.< whenever I don’t know what to say, making lists out of everything, wearing weird cloths combinations, wear big earrings, collect flyers, collect magazine that u can get for free, skateboard, Learing japanese, eating icecream, bully my brother, get money without doing nothin, read thick books, getting to know stuff, being a smart-ass, write on my walls, and writing things and put them in a collection map, look at merchendice on the internet, do my make up like a ganguro, doing sit-ups, network with people on the internet, practice my singing and my favorite thing to do ever is being Me !!!
WHAT A LONG GODDAMNLIST =| Gomen >.<!
the part about being a smart ass;
A dear friend once asked me:
“What is the kapital of Korea?”
So I replied:
“Uhmm… K.”
hahaha lol gghegeheg ^^
the singing part :
( the guy is my EX-boyfriend, long story, but we weren’t together in the vid.)
Not trying to not think about you,
Not trying to do think about you,
Some how mornings are my favorite part of the day,
Waking up early, we do have that in common,
I enjoyed waking up next to you as much as I enjoyed the purple morning sky,
I was thinking about you this morning before I went to bed,
Some how the memories you gave me as a present are the memories I went to bed with,
You enchanted me like the heavy summer rain does,
In the night when the moon is high and the sky is black,
I can stop gazing at the heavy tears of the sky,
being with you is like that,
not an obsession,
but a passion for some one who made me feel like the heavy summer rains does.
I woke up with a white paper mind,
Ate with a white paper mind,
Stepped in the shower and collapsed,
The heavy thoughts that had to do with you cut me like knife,
I wanted to sing, but I didn’t want anyone too hear my pain,
I couldn’t see the difference between the tears and the well-cleaned water,
Wich in one way was good…
I tried to confince myself that I was crying over a minor thing,
But I knew that I wasn’t it,
I was crying because I miss the person who I was on the phone with for 33.42 minutes…
Besides that I am lying to myself and him,
But I want to say he made me enjoy life more,
I love him,
he knows, I think,
Stopped a lot since I’m missing him,
I tried to do it again,
I was so passionate,
But without him it just feels like I can’t…
“Let’s Play Hide And Seek, But Don’t Forget To Forget Looking For Me. I Don’t Want To Be Found. You Just Make Me Want To Be A Man, Just So I Would Understand You More Than I Used To Do, Nothing Lasts Forever. But It Feels Like We Didn’t Even Try, Maybe We Did. Maybe I Didn’t Try Hard Enough. I Just Feel Like You Should Know, Even Though You Stepped On My Hand, It’s Still Strong Enough To Not Let You Go.” - I keep saying that to myself.
This song reminds me of myself. I would be the girl from the hotel. See, I always placed myself in the position I didn’t want to be in. For like 2 times the guys I actually fell in love they both had a girl at that moment. Even though me and the guy we’re sleepin’. So I had to front and act like we ain’t sleepin’. Had to smile to her face after she kisses him. Act like friends even though you love him like your man and you know she can’t compare to you but still he’s with her.
I don’t ever want to be in that position again, cause if you see the end of the vid, that’s how it ALWAYS ends.
so ladies, don’t be frontin’ on yourself, don’t sleep with a guy who has a girl, don’t date or do anything, IT WONT WORK OUT. ( that’s what I know from my experience. )
” Jealousy Lies Within The Human Nature.” - Cailin. ( me )
Am I right or am I wrong? I guess everybody has been jealous sometime. At least I did, but I’m not the kind of girl that gets jealous over girls hanging around my boyfriend or something. I’m not even jealous about not having the newest freshest shit in the world and other people do. I’m jealous about people achieving things I can’t. Like people being able to do stuff in their music like performing and stuff. My mom and me we’re talking about my music so far, and I’ve been singing for about 8 months and I actually did achieve a lot, but not everything that I wanted to achieve. Maybe I’m expecting too much from me. Maybe I’m not expecting enough from me… Had enough of sitting on my ass too, I want to do something!! So what to do about it? I don’t know actually, I just need to get my shit right I guess.
(btw. I can sing christina aguilera, jojo and some other “go hard” people’s songs.. So I actually did made some progress)
Old Pic Of Me In The Train I Was Pissed Off ‘Bout Something..
Some one is sill neglecting me..
KNOCKED UP ? wuhauah noo..!! Ya’ll know the movie right? Knocked up, it was kind of funny cause I started taking the pill yesterday. It’s not for a special reason, just because I want EXACTLY to know when I’m in my period and because I like taking drugs. ( lol that was a joke -_-” ) So we ( me, my mom, my bro. ) were watching and I was thinkin’ what if I would get knocked up, would I keep it or not? I have no idea, but for now I don’t want no kids for a while noir do I want to be in that position.
Jealous.
Who decides when you’re in love?
Who decides when you’re alright?
Who decised that life is how it’s supposed to be?
That person is me.
When jealousy strikes me will you keep me save?
Will you be the person telling me I can do better?
Will you be the one screaming; Go Baby!?
“Even though though we’re still in the first phase, I know this is going to be different. He’s in love ‘nd I’m feelin’ him. This is going to make me wild into feeling for him. Right now I’m still kind of unsure about the whole Mr. Jones ( dead one ) thing. I mean like I was really into him and don’t understand why I’m kind of feeling feeling for the 2 misters Jones. I also don’t get why I’m at school. I don’t know shit so why? I don’t know maybe just to kill time, I guess. Instead of making tests I make lyrics, Music is my motivation. But not when it comes to school.I AIN’T NO SUPER HERO. “Robots and skateboards, nigga? Dumb it Down! ” “
Like this pic, hot shit!
I wrote that in class today, I feel so useless. Been skipping class a lot lately.
Let’s go to the future… So, Me & Mr. Jones? I hope so, for one reason I feel like we really should get together. We were talking on the phone last night ‘nd we were just honest. I told him it feels like we all ready going steady but just that no one said the words yet.. which is kind of odd to say, I didn’t want him to think I was suggesting anything, you know? So let the future be heavenly blue, cause we be chillin’ on cloud nine, nahmean?
So….I’m at his place and he’s at school, waiting for it to be 4.30 PM so I can pick him up. I have a tummy ache =(
Well Hello. My name is Cailin, I’m 14 years old (edit: almost 15 =] ) , living in Holland, Amsterdam. Me On The Pic. =)
I’m a singer/songwriter. I have one song that’s public and I’m trying to release my music. ( Edit I deleted the song because of a conflict ) I also started skating, so I’ll blog about the whole skateboard thing soon.
I’m not your avarage 14 year-old, I went through too much SHIT in my life to be like a little kid, so let’s grow up. I want to show the world how fucked up my head is ( sorry, just had to say that xD )
I will post my life on this wordpress.
Enjoy & Explore My World ( and fucked up mind T_T )
