This song reminds me of myself. I would be the girl from the hotel.  See, I always placed myself in the position I didn’t want to be in. For like 2 times the guys I actually fell in love they both had a girl at that moment. Even though me and the guy we’re sleepin’. So I had to front and act like we ain’t sleepin’. Had to smile to her face after she kisses him. Act like friends even though you love him like your man and you know she can’t compare to you but still he’s with her.

I don’t ever want to be in that position again, cause if you see the end of the vid, that’s how it ALWAYS ends.

so ladies, don’t be frontin’ on yourself, don’t sleep with a guy who has a girl, don’t date or do anything, IT WONT WORK OUT. ( that’s what I know from my experience. )

No Poem, just the song.

DUMB IT MOTHERFUCKING DOWN!

HELLOOO WOORLLDDD ~!!!!

” Jealousy Lies Within The Human Nature.” - Cailin. ( me )

Am I right or am I wrong? I guess everybody has been jealous sometime. At least I did, but I’m not the kind of girl that gets jealous over girls hanging around my boyfriend or something. I’m not even jealous about not having the newest freshest shit in the world and other people do. I’m jealous about people achieving things I can’t. Like people being able to do stuff in their music like performing and stuff. My mom and me we’re talking about my music so far, and I’ve been singing for about 8 months and I actually did achieve a lot, but not everything that I wanted to achieve. Maybe I’m expecting too much from me. Maybe I’m not expecting enough from me… Had enough of sitting on my ass too, I want to do something!! So what to do about it? I don’t know actually, I just need to get my shit right I guess.

(btw. I can sing christina aguilera, jojo and some other “go hard” people’s songs.. So I actually did made some progress)

Old Pic Of Me In The Train I Was Pissed Off ‘Bout Something..

Some one is sill neglecting me..

KNOCKED UP ? wuhauah noo..!! Ya’ll know the movie right? Knocked up, it was kind of funny cause I started taking the pill yesterday. It’s not for a special reason, just because I want EXACTLY to know when I’m in my period and because I like taking drugs. ( lol that was a joke -_-” ) So we ( me, my mom, my bro. ) were watching and I was thinkin’ what if I would get knocked up, would I keep it or not? I have no idea, but for now I don’t want no kids for a while noir do I want to be in that position.

Jealous.

Who decides when you’re in love?
Who decides when you’re alright?
Who decised that life is how it’s supposed to be?
That person is me.
When jealousy strikes me will you keep me save?
Will you be the person telling me I can do better?
Will you be the one screaming; Go Baby!?

 DUMBITDOWN!!

“Even though though we’re still in the first phase, I know this is going to be different. He’s in love ‘nd I’m feelin’ him. This is going to make me wild into feeling for him. Right now I’m still kind of unsure about the whole Mr. Jones ( dead one ) thing. I mean like I was really into him and don’t understand why I’m kind of  feeling feeling for the 2 misters Jones. I also don’t get why I’m at school. I don’t know shit so why? I don’t know maybe just to kill time, I guess. Instead of making tests I make lyrics, Music is my motivation. But not when it comes to school.I AIN’T NO SUPER HERO. “Robots and skateboards, nigga? Dumb it Down! ” “

Like this pic, hot shit!

I wrote that in class today, I feel so useless. Been skipping class a lot lately.

Let’s go to the future… So, Me & Mr. Jones? I hope so, for one reason I feel like we really should get together. We were talking on the phone last night ‘nd we were just honest. I told him it feels like we all ready going steady but just that no one said the words yet.. which is kind of odd to say, I didn’t want him to think I was suggesting anything, you know? So let the future be heavenly blue, cause we be chillin’ on cloud nine, nahmean?

So….I’m at his place and he’s at school, waiting for it to be 4.30 PM so I can pick him up. I have a tummy ache =(

QUESTION!! : Will Me And Mr. Jones Be?

NIGGA ANSWER ME!

DUMB IT DOWN~!!

I Feel Like This Right Now.

Some how a lot changed these 2 weeks. Old Flow Is The Best Flow? After one week not seeing Mr. Jones I got strong enough to say FUCK IT!. I couldn’t walk for a week and he didn’t even had the balls to pass by. So I was talking to this friend ( I actually mean “friend“) and we kind of hooked up again.  So EF-YU-CE-KAY Mr. Jones! I found a good boy, with good meanings and I already feel better.

So with this new guy let’s call him.. uhmm.. Mr Jones too. By the way let’s see this Mr. Jones thingy as a name for any new guy I like. ( don’t get me wrong ) so the old Mr. Jones is dead and the new one is born today so all older posts than this one are about the DEAD Mr. Jones.

So my new Mr. Jones all ready met my mom, he’s a rapper/singer/songwriter/producer and some more. To me his simply Mr. Jones; the guy I like.For now we both want to take it slow. If we start something I want it to be strong. My mom likes him, so he’s probably okay! =) But some where I’m not totally sure if the dead Mr. Jones is really dead. I’m afraid I’ll get weak the moment I see him.( the DEAD mr. Jones. ) We’ll see I guess… All I know is that even as friends the DEAD Mr. Jones is really neglecting me the last 2 weeks. What An AssHole.

Anyway my music is going down down down down.. I have nowhere to record, seriously need to get my shit right, see a lot of people contacting me to do something but nothing happening.. and it’s killing me, but I’ll see what I can do.. Pffff life’s a shitty mess to me right now. Except for the new Mr. Jones. School is going bad too.

I spend time with Mr. Jones today and saw Sidney the new born for the first time too. I almost screamed ADOEHHH~! ( my word for cute ) but we was sleeping. He’s The CUTEST!

No Poem Today, Just listen to the song.

Thank You.

DUMB IT DOWN.

The Newest And Youngest GoGoKid. Sidney

Born On Mothersday 11th of May.

Congratulations Panda, Lia, Amal, Peter, Mom, the Scary Auntie And The GoGoKidsz.

I just finished my previous blog The Past. Alcohol. and starting this one.

I just want to say, I had a great 2 weeks of vacation, my first real vacation. I really had mad fun. To all my friends; Chibbie, Shelby, Knowlidge and Luka. You really made my vacation way better.

So yeah I bought a skateboard on Tuesday and I’m really dedicated to the skating. I really want to get better at it, it’s something I wanted to do for a while, but never had the chance to do it. So the board was 80 bucks. I payed 40 bucks and my friend Knowlidge payed 40 bucks. It was the nicest thing. No one ever did something like that for me, not even my dad.  It’s A blue skateboard from the Speeddemons lable, it was a complete board.

So back to the real personal deal…

I got a weakness for this Mr. Jones, he makes me feel good and fucked up at the same time. Even though he made clear that he wished he could change the way I feel for him. I understand, but the things he does makes me think different. I don’t know maybe I’m just tripping or wanting it so bad that I’m thinking that, but I don’t know. I just want to be the one waking up in morning looking at him as he is waking up. We did sleep together and stuff and it feels so good being around him, waking up next to him, holding him, kissing him & making love with him. * shy * I don’t want us to be like this though, we can be more. I don’t think it’s the ” that thing ” that’s always stopping me from being with some one. I just guess it’s hard on me to be me for me, if you get it. What I’m trying to say is, he understands me, I understand him, I want him, but don’t know if he wants me beyond what we are now.

He told me he wanted to settle down. At that moment I felt so low, unwanted and sad. I didn’t feel good enough for him.

We’ll see how it works out, for now he’s the only one I really want, I mean I NEVER EVER felt like this. I did feel close to it, but this is way stronger.

Weakness.
I once felt close to what I am feeling now.
It was exactly the same situation.
Now that I think of it.
I should know I should stop.
I just can’t.
I don’t want to feel like I’m losing this person.
I don’t want to go through the same story again.
I had a weakness for this other guy.
I forgot him.
I have a weakness for this guy.
I love him.

Dumb It Down.

People always ask me why I don’t drink and why I hate people being drunk around me. It’s simple, I had a bad experience with alcohol.
I was 4/5 and my brother 5/6 years-old and it was late, we were in bed. Suddenly we heard something and went down stairs my father was throwing stuff at my mom. As my father started to get aggressive from the alcohol, my mom tried to escape.

She grabbed me and as she was running she tried to grab my brother, but he was glued to the ground because of fear, I guess. So my mom went outside and when she was outside she noticed my brother wasn’t running with us.. So she let me go and grabbed him and took me and ran out the backgarden and through the back alley of the gardens from our block. My dad was drunk and closing in on her, she let us go and my dad grabbed her.

Me and my mom.

As he was kicking, punching and slapping her, all she did was roll up like a little bal, covering her face, stomach and chest. Me and my brother were watching the whole thing on the side, it was like a fight game, but without the fun. So a lot of people were standing there, they called the cops, but didn’t try to get in between. My mother tried to get up and get away, but it didn’t work out.

The cops came, my mom went to the hospital, my dad got arrested, we saw our mom once that day after the fight; right before she went to the hospital. We had to sleepover at the neighbours. The next day we had to go to school, my mom walked in to the classroom with J.Lo Diva Shades on. The teacher walked towards her and as my mom shook his/her hand and took her shades off. I’ll never forget the way my teacher’s face changed.

SO THAT’S WHY I DON’T LIKE ALCOHOL AND DRUNK PEOPLE.

I gave that whole experience a place, my brother got traumatised and got silent after the whole thing.

It could be worse, right? I don’t want ya’ll to be like : ” awhh, that’s so sad ” and bullshit like that. It’s happend that’s it.

Alcohol.

Something that’s looked at as a simple drink.
For one it’s a nice night out.
For the other it’s the end.
Rape, Murder and doing things you don’t want to.
Those are the consequences for those,
who can’t handle it.

DUMB IT DOWN.

Hello~!

How are ya’ll? I had a great day on queensday and the day after queensday. Except for one thing. ” we needa talk.” We did and I prepared for wors-case scenario, but some how I don’t feel really down. I told him how I felt about us. So, now he knows. He said that he thought I was acting about how I was feeling. We talked on and on and probaly nothing changed. Too bad, he said he wish he could change that feeling, I some where wish that too.

I am a weak person and I know he knows that. Nothing going to change because the word ” no” towards him is like impossible. This present kind of sucks for me. T_T
I always want what I can’t have, bad habit, I guess..

I tried to capture a feeling in a photo. I Feel Lost.

So what now? I don’t know. I confessed my love ( sounds like a typical shojo anime =P ) and know he knows, will something change. I just don’t know. Let’s finish my story with a poem, like I said in my previous blog post this poem is called selfish.

Selfish.

Is it selfish to make me happy?
I always try to make those around me happy.
My own happiness is a failure, can’t help myself.
Selfish how I try to make him understand.

A little kid is what I am.
Grown-Up in her mind, but for the rest she’s nothing.
I just can’t stop myself from being me.
You accept me for me.

Selfish how I hoped you would understand.
Selfish how the world judges.
Selfish how I feel confused.
Because I know you weren’t honest.

I know you don’t want to hurt me.
I’m not trying to make you mine instantly.
I feel like I know more about you than you know about me.
We should fix that.

Selfish, what we did.
Selfish, this hope I have.
Selfish, how I fell in love even though I know your flaws.
Selfish, how you can control me.

Next Poem Will Be Called Weakness.

DUMB IT DOWN~!